I have actually sidestepped an international rugby player and it wasn't in a dream. Are you impressed? I was.
Regrettably, it wasn't in my time as a player. Throwing a ball around between dads, lads and a friend who is said player, I took my chance.
I took a neat running line. The angle of attack (not bad for an old forward) was good. He moved in for the tackle. I ran straight at him. Then, almost at the last moment before contact, I planted my left foot firmly out to his right side as if shifting my direction. Then, with the sweetest of movements, I pushed off my planted foot in the opposition direction (his left) and zipped past him on my original line of attack. Side stepped him!
It gets better and more elaborate each time I repeat the story. As I touched the ball down, my imagination created the winning try for the British Lions against the All Blacks at Eden Park. Then through the stunned silence of the Kiwi faithful, "not bad for an old man" rang out around the famous old stadium. Not bad for an old man! That brought me back to earth and the reality of the rough patch of ground where we were playing Still, I'm allowed to relive it from time to time.
The thing is, the sidestep isn't seen as often as it used to be. When executed by the skillful runner, outwitting the attacker, the sidestep looks like an art form. Modern coaching techniques and running through phases, eliminating risk and retaining possession have probably all added to the sidestep being surpassed as a means of not just beating, but outwitting the opposition. If you operate the sidestep every time you approach a line breaking opportunity, you are going to be read as a player - unless of course your opponents cognitive abilities are sparse... But used to its full effect, the sidestep still has that "element of surprise" and psychologically sends a signal to the outsmarted player "I've got the measure of you". You were about to ask me a very physical question but I'm not prepared to answer the question you are asking me. Instead here is a question for you to answer "how come I outsmarted you?"
Have you ever been in a situation where you have been asked a question that you feel has overstepped a line? Or a question that is being asked for a motive other than seeking the obvious answer to the question? There are times when being asked a question doesn't warrant or deserve an answer. Simply because someone asks a question - doesn't mean you are required to give an answer, particularly if the motivation, like a would be tackler, is to stop your progress, upset your momentum and rob you of what you are carrying.
What we carry in life is an essential part of the "who" we are. Our core beliefs, our dreams our aspirations, our experiences, our memories. Regardless of whichever sphere of life we look at; family, faith, sport, leisure, business - our core values shape who we are becoming. They are of course shaped and "tempered" (bashed like steel) by our experiences. Not all beating is beneficial and its part of our life's mission to safeguard what we carry.
I think the man's man Jesus Christ would have made a great rugby player. He developed the sidestep into an art form - used against those who were out to rob, disrupt or discredit what he was carrying. Now before I go further, I'm not talking about the squirming mess that is the modern politician, who tries to worm his way out of answering questions or avoiding the issue. No. The man's man demonstrated the pinnacle of self control, not rising to the malignancy underlying the motives of many of his questioners, including the "wrecker of humanity" - always there to rob, steal, kill or destroy - the enemy tried to knock Jesus off course with bogus questions that were aimed at derailing his purpose. His response? The sidestep that illustrated brilliantly how to avoid being sucked into answering the wrong question and posed the right question back to his tempter.
As men we need to develop the awareness and perception in life scenarios that allows us to sidestep the potential for derailment. Sidestep wrongly motivated questions. Sidestep inappropriate relationships. Sidestep the compromise that ultimately requires cover up upon cover up and eventually collapses in shame. Its not always about brute force and bashing away through life, relationships, business or church - sometimes, with a sense of timing, skill, agility on the move and above all an awareness of the intent of the opposition, the sidestep is the best tactical play.
Friday, 18 May 2012
Saturday, 12 May 2012
Everyone Needs a Carrier
In 80 minutes with 29 other players on the rugby field, how often do you actually get your hands on the ball? Once you've got the ball can you make any forward progress? If you assume possession is split 50/50 - not always the case, you have 40 minutes to make an impression, whilst 15 other very determined people try to stop you.
Recently I came across some statistics from the 2012 6 Nations Rugby Tournament. One stat that stood out from the others was the Top 10 Ball Carriers. At this point a definition would be useful and I am grateful to Opta Sport (www.optasports.com) for the following: "...a player touching the ball has deemed to make a carry if they have made an obvious attempt to go forward and attack the opposition with the ball in hand"...
Now I like the sound of that - a carrier is someone who makes a conscious decision to engage with the opposition to make progress by overcoming their resistance. That's what marks out a carrier. A willingness to take possession and advance, knowing there will be resistance, but going ahead anyway.
The stats showed there were players who made more than 50 and up to 60 carries across the games they played in. The top carriers had their hands on the ball and were advancing against the opposition something like 13 or 14 times in every game. Wow. Assuming 50% of possession - that's a personal, physical encounter every 3 minutes when your team is in possession - now that's a lot as there are 14 other players on your team. Allowing for setting scrums, lineouts, penalty kicks, all counting the clock down, ball carriers become pivotal players when you have the ball.
One team had 5 players in the top 10 and accounted for something like 240 carries. It's clear that these are the "go to" players when you want to make progress. Of course 5 players cannot win a game on their own, but these 5 certainly influenced the results and made game changing contributions.
So why focus on ball carriers? They epitomise "taking the game" to the opposition and gaining ground.The have the following characteristics:
They need to be supplied with the ball and the support of their team mates once they have created the momentum the team was looking for. Every team needs carriers. In fact, every relationship, family, team, business and church or other organisation needs carriers - the "go to" people who can make things happen. The problem is they are in short supply. 5 men across 80 minutes assisted by their 10 team mates can make a difference, but they may not always win the game. In the 24hour, 365 day tussle we call life, carriers are in even shorter supply.
The bible has an interesting insight into carriers or "go to" people. There is an account of the various groups of men that made up an army that had been assembled for a campaign. In amongst the fighting men was a small but very special group of warriors - they were described as men who "understood the times and knew what to do" - they were the "go to" people, the equivalent of our ball carriers. They were part of a much bigger force, but their perception of what was going on around them and their accumulated life wisdom and insight marked them out. Knowing what to do when others don't know what to do makes you a "go to" person. Having an appreciation of what is taking place when others are ignorant of circumstances or are being swept helplessly along by life's pressures marks you out as a "go to" person. These men were and still are in short supply, but are needed more so than ever.
A ball carrier is marked out because he makes a decision to step forward and engage. Being prepared to step up and be counted has a price tag attached. It will mean exposure to contact and a willingness to take the knocks. But without carriers - "those who understand the times and know what to do", in order to gain momentum and take ground, unlocking otherwise closed off routes for advancing - teams, families, relationships, businesses, churches and society at large will make little progress. Everyone needs a ball carrier at some point, but are we prepared to be the carriers that are in short supply? Understanding the times and knowing what to do requires commitment and courage, strength and skill - but if we will step up to the mark, there will be suppliers and supporters backing up. The need is for carriers...
Recently I came across some statistics from the 2012 6 Nations Rugby Tournament. One stat that stood out from the others was the Top 10 Ball Carriers. At this point a definition would be useful and I am grateful to Opta Sport (www.optasports.com) for the following: "...a player touching the ball has deemed to make a carry if they have made an obvious attempt to go forward and attack the opposition with the ball in hand"...
Now I like the sound of that - a carrier is someone who makes a conscious decision to engage with the opposition to make progress by overcoming their resistance. That's what marks out a carrier. A willingness to take possession and advance, knowing there will be resistance, but going ahead anyway.
The stats showed there were players who made more than 50 and up to 60 carries across the games they played in. The top carriers had their hands on the ball and were advancing against the opposition something like 13 or 14 times in every game. Wow. Assuming 50% of possession - that's a personal, physical encounter every 3 minutes when your team is in possession - now that's a lot as there are 14 other players on your team. Allowing for setting scrums, lineouts, penalty kicks, all counting the clock down, ball carriers become pivotal players when you have the ball.
One team had 5 players in the top 10 and accounted for something like 240 carries. It's clear that these are the "go to" players when you want to make progress. Of course 5 players cannot win a game on their own, but these 5 certainly influenced the results and made game changing contributions.
So why focus on ball carriers? They epitomise "taking the game" to the opposition and gaining ground.The have the following characteristics:
- they have courage and are committed - to step up to the task and engage
- they have to have strength and skill - to make a break and keep the ball alive
They need to be supplied with the ball and the support of their team mates once they have created the momentum the team was looking for. Every team needs carriers. In fact, every relationship, family, team, business and church or other organisation needs carriers - the "go to" people who can make things happen. The problem is they are in short supply. 5 men across 80 minutes assisted by their 10 team mates can make a difference, but they may not always win the game. In the 24hour, 365 day tussle we call life, carriers are in even shorter supply.
The bible has an interesting insight into carriers or "go to" people. There is an account of the various groups of men that made up an army that had been assembled for a campaign. In amongst the fighting men was a small but very special group of warriors - they were described as men who "understood the times and knew what to do" - they were the "go to" people, the equivalent of our ball carriers. They were part of a much bigger force, but their perception of what was going on around them and their accumulated life wisdom and insight marked them out. Knowing what to do when others don't know what to do makes you a "go to" person. Having an appreciation of what is taking place when others are ignorant of circumstances or are being swept helplessly along by life's pressures marks you out as a "go to" person. These men were and still are in short supply, but are needed more so than ever.
A ball carrier is marked out because he makes a decision to step forward and engage. Being prepared to step up and be counted has a price tag attached. It will mean exposure to contact and a willingness to take the knocks. But without carriers - "those who understand the times and know what to do", in order to gain momentum and take ground, unlocking otherwise closed off routes for advancing - teams, families, relationships, businesses, churches and society at large will make little progress. Everyone needs a ball carrier at some point, but are we prepared to be the carriers that are in short supply? Understanding the times and knowing what to do requires commitment and courage, strength and skill - but if we will step up to the mark, there will be suppliers and supporters backing up. The need is for carriers...
Friday, 4 May 2012
Elbows, margins and the Police
They were big. They were strong. They were brutal in the contact area and tackle. They were the police. Every player stood over 6feet tall. The match had "physical pounding" written all over it. Yet, somehow, we managed to scrap for enough ball to scramble a win. To this day I still look back and wonder how we did it. The force came at us with force and we used the only advantage we had - speed, to out run them. However, it came with a price tag. It wasn't easy. It wasn't pretty. Those of us who had to win enough ball for our fast players to out run them, paid the price phsyically.
I remember jumping for a ball in the lineout, to be met with a well placed elbow to the face. I came down with the ball and a busted lip. Everywhere we met contact across the pitch our casualties were mounting. But there, at the margins of the game, where we were being out muscled, where taking the contact was as much a mental challenge as a physical challenge - because you knew what was coming - that is where the game was won. To be fair to the police team, after the game they were great but on that pitch, on that day, we knew we had been in a fight.
Sometimes we look for the spectacular. Sometimes we look for the easier route, the one with least resistance. But often in the sports arena and in life too, things are won and lost at the margins. We dont like to think of a narrow escape or only just making it. But, only just making it is better than not making it and a win is a win however you measure it.
The Olympic 100m crown will be won by margins measured in tenths or even hundredths of a second. In Formula One motor racing, after driving nearly 60 laps at an average speed of around 195kph (and that equates to a very long way) the winning margin is measured in seconds or even parts of a second.
Just because the margin of victory is so small compared to the effort required to win doesn't mean the Olypic runner or the F1 driver are any lesser champions. In fact, its very often by the narrowest of margins that the greatest of champions emerge. Why? Because they have prevailed over strong opposition. They dont quit or back down when the going gets tough. Quitting is an option and there are times when we have to consider other options, but when a breakthrough is so close, when it is what is needed to safeguard the things that are of true worth - friendship, intimate relationships, destiny shaping connections - is quitting that great an option?
Jesus the man's man operated at the margins. He was there at the margins of society where the bereft of hope sat at home weeping for a lost loved one or wayward son. He walked the market places where honest hard working people struggle to make ends meet. He was there in the dusty back streets where the women carried they young and the kids played in the dirt. He was there with the people that society had labelled as marginal - who just like any one else simply needed a break. And he is still there. Standing somewhere in the shadows - you will find Jesus. He's there to say press on, don't give in, dont give up. If we look for him, he's there. His greatest victory, the cross, was truly at the margins of human existance - but he didnt quit, he prevailed.
Sometimes life is won and lost at the margins. Some days we just make it. Better to just make it than to slip away without a fight. We didnt quit against the police. We battled on through the physical pounding to record a famous victory. The call from the man's man standing in the shadows is to press on, dont give up. What are we battling against today? Take a glance toward the margins, toward the shadows. That could just be where your breakthrough will come from.
I remember jumping for a ball in the lineout, to be met with a well placed elbow to the face. I came down with the ball and a busted lip. Everywhere we met contact across the pitch our casualties were mounting. But there, at the margins of the game, where we were being out muscled, where taking the contact was as much a mental challenge as a physical challenge - because you knew what was coming - that is where the game was won. To be fair to the police team, after the game they were great but on that pitch, on that day, we knew we had been in a fight.
Sometimes we look for the spectacular. Sometimes we look for the easier route, the one with least resistance. But often in the sports arena and in life too, things are won and lost at the margins. We dont like to think of a narrow escape or only just making it. But, only just making it is better than not making it and a win is a win however you measure it.
The Olympic 100m crown will be won by margins measured in tenths or even hundredths of a second. In Formula One motor racing, after driving nearly 60 laps at an average speed of around 195kph (and that equates to a very long way) the winning margin is measured in seconds or even parts of a second.
Just because the margin of victory is so small compared to the effort required to win doesn't mean the Olypic runner or the F1 driver are any lesser champions. In fact, its very often by the narrowest of margins that the greatest of champions emerge. Why? Because they have prevailed over strong opposition. They dont quit or back down when the going gets tough. Quitting is an option and there are times when we have to consider other options, but when a breakthrough is so close, when it is what is needed to safeguard the things that are of true worth - friendship, intimate relationships, destiny shaping connections - is quitting that great an option?
Jesus the man's man operated at the margins. He was there at the margins of society where the bereft of hope sat at home weeping for a lost loved one or wayward son. He walked the market places where honest hard working people struggle to make ends meet. He was there in the dusty back streets where the women carried they young and the kids played in the dirt. He was there with the people that society had labelled as marginal - who just like any one else simply needed a break. And he is still there. Standing somewhere in the shadows - you will find Jesus. He's there to say press on, don't give in, dont give up. If we look for him, he's there. His greatest victory, the cross, was truly at the margins of human existance - but he didnt quit, he prevailed.
Sometimes life is won and lost at the margins. Some days we just make it. Better to just make it than to slip away without a fight. We didnt quit against the police. We battled on through the physical pounding to record a famous victory. The call from the man's man standing in the shadows is to press on, dont give up. What are we battling against today? Take a glance toward the margins, toward the shadows. That could just be where your breakthrough will come from.
Thursday, 26 April 2012
Inglorious Moments
Come on, we've all had them. Something snaps inside and boom! I can remember very clearly one of my most "inglorious moments" in a rugby match. I was totally destroying the opposition number 6 beating him to every breakdown, tackling him when he was in possession and stripping the ball from him. I was having a great game. But I now only remember it for my "moment". The lad didn't like the fact that I was outplaying him. So using some very strong language, he said "if you do that again mate, I'll have you"....Crack! Wrong thing to say to me.
It was like someone had pressed a very big red button marked "how dare you accuse me!" Alarm bells, steam hooters, emergency buzzers and fog horns were sounding in my head. I said back to him "yeah? any day!" Well I thought I had said it. In fact, right in his face, I had shouted it so fiercely, the teams playing field hockey on a nearby pitch heard me and stopped to watch the action. I didn't think to stop and analyse what would happen next. It involved my fist and his face.
Since then I've done plenty of other things that I'm not proud of, using self defence or self preservation or anything as an excuse. All of them if I'm honest, inglorious moments. Off the field, my mind and my mouth have had their fair share of inglorious moments too. I doubt if I'm alone.
I know its no excuse, and we try to rationalize it, but in adrenaline fueled scenarios, where we are challenged by tiredness, physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually and events are moving at pace we can so easily:
Being able to take an objective view and beginning to understand that my actions, attitudes and adrenaline fueled reactions have consequences is a good starting point to reducing the frequency of my inglorious moments. Over a long time of making mistakes, I have discovered that who I am privately tends to come out when I am under pressure. So, the more I work on the who I am and who I am becoming, when the pressure situation arises, my personal intensity and stress levels don't rise with it. Most of my inglorious moments have come when I haven't stopped to think. The reality is, even in the split second, we have a choice to make. Make no mistake, sometimes those choices are not easy to make, even though they are the right ones.
Rudyard Kipling put it this way "If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you, if you can trust yourself when all men doubt you but make allowance for their doubting too....then...you'll be a man my son". The bible has a succinct way of expressing the same thought "a prudent man gives thought to his steps" - in other words, before you start down a particular road - think about where its going to lead to. It isn't weakness to take a step back and disengage with the inclination to raise a voice or a fist. Sure there are times when someone with passion has to speak out against injustice, but here we are dealing with the destructive side of personal volatility.
There is an interesting contrast in the bible account of a mob that descended on the man's man Jesus. He had been falsely accused. He had been betrayed by someone close to him. When the mob approached him to take him down, Peter one of those with Jesus, pulled out a weapon and injured a man before he was stopped from causing further damage. Sudden uncontrolled rage. By contrast, Jesus simply said "I am the one your looking for". Peter's response to the mob was anger and the mob's response to him was the same. Jesus' response was calmness under pressure. The mob's response was to literally fall back - the sheer presence of this man, his personal strength of character and integrity produced a reaction in them. We know he was arrested and tried in what was humanities own inglorious moment. But the ultimate victory was his because he showed by the choices he made under immense pressure who he truly was. I know what my reaction to the mob would have been - inglorious. But now, I am finally learning that I have a choice. And as I make that choice, I am no less of a man. In fact I become more of a man.
It was like someone had pressed a very big red button marked "how dare you accuse me!" Alarm bells, steam hooters, emergency buzzers and fog horns were sounding in my head. I said back to him "yeah? any day!" Well I thought I had said it. In fact, right in his face, I had shouted it so fiercely, the teams playing field hockey on a nearby pitch heard me and stopped to watch the action. I didn't think to stop and analyse what would happen next. It involved my fist and his face.
Since then I've done plenty of other things that I'm not proud of, using self defence or self preservation or anything as an excuse. All of them if I'm honest, inglorious moments. Off the field, my mind and my mouth have had their fair share of inglorious moments too. I doubt if I'm alone.
I know its no excuse, and we try to rationalize it, but in adrenaline fueled scenarios, where we are challenged by tiredness, physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually and events are moving at pace we can so easily:
- make a wrong assumption about the motivation behind an action
- retaliate if we are provoked - some people seem to know which big red button works
- feel aggrieved at a decision that goes against us
- feel falsely accused - oh boy do I know my rights
- feel manipulated, undermined or used
- totally lose all sense of objectivity
- seek out revenge - I "will" get my own back
- lose control and let a wild outburst or stupid action take over
Particularly as men, we can feel our competence or sense of masculinity has been challenged or questioned. Our judgement gets clouded and we become irrational and stop thinking clearly. Another classic response is to depersonalise or project blame away from ourselves. Our language becomes; "the" passage or play, "the" relationship, "the" bills, "the" marriage, "the" kids. The reality is it's my marriage, my relationship, my kid, my job and of course its my attitude. Actions have consequences - in a game, we can be sin binned, sent off or even reported to a citing commissioner. Off the field emotional wreckage hurts. Relationships can be damaged irreparably.
Being able to take an objective view and beginning to understand that my actions, attitudes and adrenaline fueled reactions have consequences is a good starting point to reducing the frequency of my inglorious moments. Over a long time of making mistakes, I have discovered that who I am privately tends to come out when I am under pressure. So, the more I work on the who I am and who I am becoming, when the pressure situation arises, my personal intensity and stress levels don't rise with it. Most of my inglorious moments have come when I haven't stopped to think. The reality is, even in the split second, we have a choice to make. Make no mistake, sometimes those choices are not easy to make, even though they are the right ones.
Rudyard Kipling put it this way "If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you, if you can trust yourself when all men doubt you but make allowance for their doubting too....then...you'll be a man my son". The bible has a succinct way of expressing the same thought "a prudent man gives thought to his steps" - in other words, before you start down a particular road - think about where its going to lead to. It isn't weakness to take a step back and disengage with the inclination to raise a voice or a fist. Sure there are times when someone with passion has to speak out against injustice, but here we are dealing with the destructive side of personal volatility.
There is an interesting contrast in the bible account of a mob that descended on the man's man Jesus. He had been falsely accused. He had been betrayed by someone close to him. When the mob approached him to take him down, Peter one of those with Jesus, pulled out a weapon and injured a man before he was stopped from causing further damage. Sudden uncontrolled rage. By contrast, Jesus simply said "I am the one your looking for". Peter's response to the mob was anger and the mob's response to him was the same. Jesus' response was calmness under pressure. The mob's response was to literally fall back - the sheer presence of this man, his personal strength of character and integrity produced a reaction in them. We know he was arrested and tried in what was humanities own inglorious moment. But the ultimate victory was his because he showed by the choices he made under immense pressure who he truly was. I know what my reaction to the mob would have been - inglorious. But now, I am finally learning that I have a choice. And as I make that choice, I am no less of a man. In fact I become more of a man.
Saturday, 14 April 2012
Affirmation through testing...
As very young rugby players, we were easily impressed when our points tally read like a cricket score. Our individual points totals increased and the battle for the forward or back with most tries scored was more of a motivator than sticking to the game plan. Today, with try and losing bonus points, heavy scoring will certainly add value to respective league tallies. But the reality is, huge scores against very weak opposition, prove very little and probably tell us no more than we already were aware of. Aside from risking a few more training ground moves, there is little to be learned from thrashing the opposition.
No matter what we may say outwardly, after a convincingly and easy win, deep down everyone wants to be tested and tested against the best. Sure no one wants to be on the end of a thrashing, but the tougher the opposition, the more seems to be drawn out of stronger players. The testing ground is also the proving ground. Can we step up a level? Have we got what it takes? It was tougher to beat the rugby teams drawn from police forces or the mining and steel communities or the armed forces, but when we won, man, it felt good!
As my own sons have got older, I have smiled to myself as I've watched them look to test themselves against "the old man". With one it was sprinting and hurdling. A test of speed. There was a time when I could keep up. It didn't last for long as it soon became apparent that he was going to excel. The best I could do was act as work out fodder, watch him fly and press the stopwatch! I actually ran a 400m hurdle race once at the same athletics meet, to prove I was in the zone - I completed the race, but from that point it on I learned the hard way, it was all about him not me!
With the other son, its all about mock rugby scrummaging technique. Getting lower than me and driving me backwards. A test of strength. Its also about throwing passes to me that land not in may hands but my midriff. Its all about finding a level. Wanting the test. Wanting to know if they can make it. Wanting to know if they have what it takes. And you know....that's ok and that's right and they should be allowed the space to do that - so long as it comes from the desire for growth and finding their place. As dads, brothers, friends, coaches we have a massive responsibility to recognise what's taking place and react in the right way. Its not about me taking offence, its about the importance of their challenge. Its about helping release guys to be who they can be. That's what the best coaches and leaders model. Its not about putting them down or forcing them to be something they are never going to be. I've learned over time, for our sons and for our daughters its about the power of affirmation.
Affirmation is important however young or old we are. The real key to success is in the who we are becoming not in the what we are doing.
I've seen too many great relationships dragged down by the pressure to perform and live up to something unattainable. The testing, the trial isn't about us doing something to be accepted. That would be self defeating as sometimes we win, sometimes we don't. But the trial the testing is more about us finding out what we are made of. Who we are. Without the trial without the testing we wont know what we are capable of.
God understands the way men work. So many people miss-read him. He doesn't want men to perform to be accepted. If that was the case, I guess like me, you'd concede, we mess up quite a lot of the time. He wants us to succeed as men and in the same way that we make room for the young guns to come through, He understands the importance of showing us we are accepted through relationship as sons, not on personal form or performance. He equally understands the incredible power of affirmation. The bible has a brilliant illustration of this. Just at the point that the man's man Jesus Christ was emerging into his life's calling, before he had done anything openly - God said openly of him "this is my son and I am so impressed with the man he is".
Running out on to the pitch, knowing who you are, knowing you have the affirmation of your team mates, knowing you have what it takes is a great boost. The same is true in life. The challenge is, there is a generation that are pushing, pressing for the tests, the trials wanting affirmation. Lets not block them, lets help unlock them and their potential - I wonder what kind of a team we could make?
No matter what we may say outwardly, after a convincingly and easy win, deep down everyone wants to be tested and tested against the best. Sure no one wants to be on the end of a thrashing, but the tougher the opposition, the more seems to be drawn out of stronger players. The testing ground is also the proving ground. Can we step up a level? Have we got what it takes? It was tougher to beat the rugby teams drawn from police forces or the mining and steel communities or the armed forces, but when we won, man, it felt good!
As my own sons have got older, I have smiled to myself as I've watched them look to test themselves against "the old man". With one it was sprinting and hurdling. A test of speed. There was a time when I could keep up. It didn't last for long as it soon became apparent that he was going to excel. The best I could do was act as work out fodder, watch him fly and press the stopwatch! I actually ran a 400m hurdle race once at the same athletics meet, to prove I was in the zone - I completed the race, but from that point it on I learned the hard way, it was all about him not me!
With the other son, its all about mock rugby scrummaging technique. Getting lower than me and driving me backwards. A test of strength. Its also about throwing passes to me that land not in may hands but my midriff. Its all about finding a level. Wanting the test. Wanting to know if they can make it. Wanting to know if they have what it takes. And you know....that's ok and that's right and they should be allowed the space to do that - so long as it comes from the desire for growth and finding their place. As dads, brothers, friends, coaches we have a massive responsibility to recognise what's taking place and react in the right way. Its not about me taking offence, its about the importance of their challenge. Its about helping release guys to be who they can be. That's what the best coaches and leaders model. Its not about putting them down or forcing them to be something they are never going to be. I've learned over time, for our sons and for our daughters its about the power of affirmation.
Affirmation is important however young or old we are. The real key to success is in the who we are becoming not in the what we are doing.
I've seen too many great relationships dragged down by the pressure to perform and live up to something unattainable. The testing, the trial isn't about us doing something to be accepted. That would be self defeating as sometimes we win, sometimes we don't. But the trial the testing is more about us finding out what we are made of. Who we are. Without the trial without the testing we wont know what we are capable of.
God understands the way men work. So many people miss-read him. He doesn't want men to perform to be accepted. If that was the case, I guess like me, you'd concede, we mess up quite a lot of the time. He wants us to succeed as men and in the same way that we make room for the young guns to come through, He understands the importance of showing us we are accepted through relationship as sons, not on personal form or performance. He equally understands the incredible power of affirmation. The bible has a brilliant illustration of this. Just at the point that the man's man Jesus Christ was emerging into his life's calling, before he had done anything openly - God said openly of him "this is my son and I am so impressed with the man he is".
Running out on to the pitch, knowing who you are, knowing you have the affirmation of your team mates, knowing you have what it takes is a great boost. The same is true in life. The challenge is, there is a generation that are pushing, pressing for the tests, the trials wanting affirmation. Lets not block them, lets help unlock them and their potential - I wonder what kind of a team we could make?
Saturday, 7 April 2012
I believe we can fly...
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| Some things can only be achieved by a leap of faith....... |
We seem to have a knack for settling - but don't you just sense there's more out there? There's more to be achieved, accomplished, lived out? You see, I believe we can fly...
In rugby union, there is a set piece play called a lineout. This play takes place if the ball has either been kicked or carried out of the field of play. The game restarts by the team in possession throwing the ball down a mid-line between two rows of players. Each side will have a series of coded calls designed to mask their intentions from the opposition. However, the primary purpose of a call is to engage a specific player - to get him off the ground, to get him moving, to let him know - this ball is yours.
I took this picture at a championship game and it so neatly sums up for me the essence of reaching further, climbing higher, being on the stretch for more.
As a man of faith, I believe God wants every man to have purpose as a man and be a man with a purpose. In other words, for men to realize that they have intrinsic value in who they are and in discovering that, to use who they are for a cause - to meet a need, to provide, to help, to support, to add strength, to add weight. Who wouldn't want to be a better man, a better husband, son, brother or friend?
I love the drama of the photograph:
- the player has jumped in response to a call
- he has the support of his team mates to lift him, to give him a boost, to take him higher
- the ball is meant for him
- if he takes it, the entire team benefits
- does he catch it?
The crucial dynamic at work in taking possession of what is intended for him, is for the player to jump at the right time and take a hold of what's coming his way. Now that requires strength, courage and a sense of timing. I read recently that on average a ball will be caught something like 3m to 3.5m off the ground. That would place a players head something like 10 feet off the ground - now that's a long way to fall - but you know, if we take a risk, I believe we can fly...
Sure the player in the picture is under pressure:
- he has to trust the call and the thrower
- he will have the challenge of the opposition
- he will have the expectation of his team mates
- he will have the anticipation of the crowd and
- he will have the watchful eye of the referee
But....unless he jumps, he may never catch the ball that was intended for him.
The great thinker and writer Paul wrote these wise words of guidance for men in the bible..."I want to get hold of what God has got a hold of me for"...Sure, there are many reasons for us staying on the ground, but what about allowing for the possibility that there may just be more? Paul is saying I know there is more and I want to take hold of it with both hands. I want to get to grips with the man I know God wants me to be.
That moment of being in the air, stretching upwards to take a hold of the ball is exhilarating, but you're going to come down pretty soon and that's exactly where we re-engage with the game - with the ball!!
There is a call that God has coded just for you. We have to trust that call and the thrower. Its a call to join a noble cause, a call to purpose, a call higher, to stretch further. Its like the ball that has your name on it. But how far could you go? How much could you achieve? If we are prepared to trust the call and take that leap: I believe we can fly....
Thursday, 29 March 2012
Men Need the Fight
Back in my playing days we were a mixed bunch of lads. Electricians, farmers, office workers, builders. But as soon as we pulled on the team shirt something happened. We became a team. The shirt is a great leveller. The cause is a great uniting force.
There's something powerful when men unite for a common purpose. The physicality of the contact and the hits, the exertion in the scrum and driving mauls. The elation of making the tackle and turning over possession. The ecstasy or the agony at the final whistle - no matter the result we stood together.
I have a feeling that whatever we did away for the game, we were better men for being part of something that required us to commit ourselves to others, to excel as individuals but acknowledge that it would take all 15 of us to prevail. We were better men having given something of ourselves to the fight. Men need the fight. But the fight needed men.
Today I have to adjust to watching from fhe sidelines or coaching, but there is still enjoyment in the camaraderie and the banter on the touchline. But I still miss the hits, the physical tussles, making the tackles. Today it's a different fight. It's showing the way to the lads coming through, showing this generation the importance of the fight, how to engage as team, how to excel firstly as men, then as players. Men need the fight.
The man's man Jesus Christ understands the importance and the longing of men to engage in the fight - he pulled together 12 guys from different backgrounds and set them on a course to change the world. He knew they would face tough opposition, criticism and open conflict. But there was a fight. The prize - the liberation of people contained by dead religion or the limitations of sad or inflicted circumstances or the cruelty of tyranny. That early team were as different a bunch of lads as any rugby, soccer, baseball or football team, but they were unified by the cause of "the" man.
Make no mistake, when they were asked to take up a cross and follow - they knew exactly what he was asking. But there is no gain without the fight. The great writer and follower of Christ, Paul, understood when he said to his young friend Timothy, fight the good fight of faith, lay hold of the life that really counts and will last beyond just our physical lifespan. He knew that men need the fight.
Men need the fight and perhaps as after the game, we may just be better men for engaging with the cause - better husbands, better fathers, sons, brothers, better friends. Better men. Men need the fight and....the fight needs men.
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